Anatomy of Anger

How to Control Anger? Why do we get Angry?

Aayu Kharbanda
2 min readAug 23, 2021

We get angry at people, things (malfunctioning phone, slow internet), animals (mosquitoes, flies, stray dogs), places ( noisy traffic, smelly surrounding ), and even at life itself (unfair life, bad day ) . Let’s dive deep into understanding what causes anger and how we can control it.

Photo by Gabriel Tovar on Unsplash

Three Parts of Anger

1. Unexpected result (Below Expectation)

If someone didn’t do the things you expected from them

If someone harmed you physically or emotionally

If something is not the way you would have liked it to be

Anger looks like — Why X is Y? or Why X is not Y?

For example — Why is Life so tiring? Why is the internet so slow?

2. Punishment Decision

When something is not as we expected, we try to punish it. We try to cause harm to the thing that is performed in an unexpected way.

For example — Cursing Life / Animals, Scolding People

3. Analyze the effect of Punishment

We analyze if the punishment has changed things to a form that we like. If not then we increase the punishment.

Photo by Erwann Letue on Unsplash

Deeper Understanding

Anger is an internal emotion with external action. We have expectations and an internal court to decide the punishment. But the changes we want are all external. Life should get more comfortable, people should behave better, World should be more peaceful and so on.

Introspection Questions (think about these when you aren’t angry)

· Are your expectations the rules that everything should follow?

· Are we patient during the analysis of the effect of punishment?

· Is your internal court of punishment, fair in their judgment?

· How successful were the punishments you gave in the past?

· Can your expectations ever be met? If not, will you always stay angry?

· Can you change the Expectations or the Punishment system?

· Is there a need for the Punishment system to get expected results?


By now, my wise readers must have got all the answers they have been looking for. These questions will help you control your anger and will get you better results than the punishment system.



Aayu Kharbanda

An ambitious guy trying to disrupt education industry.